CLEANING HOUSE...
A lot of things need to be taken into consideration when this task arises. Ahh, "arises"... I say that because chores around my house aren't in ANY part of my routine & by routine I'm referring to drinking coffee, smoking a lot, wondering what appointment I may have missed, pushing aside the pile of paperwork I need to do, catch up on the Jeopardy episodes I have in the DVR & deciding if I feel like cooking a nice dinner or microwaving a Stouffers Swedish meatball meal (that reddish-orange box is SO appealing sometimes). That is a luxury that living alone I relish, no regular chore day. I generally clean house when I know people are coming over. But there are levels of clean, just as there are levels of people. The ferocity in which I will clean with depends on where you fall in the echelons. In what regards do I hold you? How clean do I think you deserve to see my house? What image am I trying to portray? Like, for example, take regular everyday family & decent friends. They are generally in the "tidy-up" category. Put dirty dishes in sink, shove garbage further down so its not falling out, close the laundry doors. You also have the moocher buddies that bring over nothing, but want everything. They get NO preparation & served a drink in a glass I pulled out of the sink & I get THEM to take out MY garbage. Then there's another group... women. But, within that category, there are sub-categories... #1: hot new chicks (not lately - lol) but they get the "Chad's super-duper OCD classic scrub-down special" (more about that later) #2: The part-time gf I met at my mental health facility. The place I spent 11 glorious days & found out that "hehe, we have a lot in common". Yeah, she really did say that... as I smiled, nodded back & in my head thought, you're tipping the scales at slightly above average hun & were in a mental hospital - common is the LAST thing I want with you! But she was attractive & I'd be amiss if I didn't mention the second runner up... WAY behind her was a Raggedy Ann-looking 19 year old girl that revealed in group therapy she had just found out she had an STD she got from her friend, a guy that happens to be gay. She fucked HIM! Yeah, I KNOW RIGHT! I think I chose the lesser of two evils... yes, the more attractive one closer to my age. She's also addicted to pain pills, occasionally has seizures from that, has a felony conviction for calling in scripts erroneously & lives like an hour away, but we "have a lot in common" she says. This chick falls into the category of a decent light dust/vacuum/wash dishes/spray bed with Febreeze, shave & wear clean clothes. There isn't a new cute one currently, its only a matter of time due to my charming demeanor (please laugh with me, not at me). But when the eventual new cute one is due for her first visit she gets the floor to ceiling OCD special... a workout I am capable of only knowing first impressions are vital to a possible sleepover (I'm referring to getting laid). This includes, but is not limited to: spray disinfectant throughout... you could use the old stand-by, Lysol or try the new highly-touted OUST-Surface & Air (I prefer the Clean Linen scent), dust (with a clean Swiffer too, not the one thats been on there for the last 2 months), vacuum, use a little Murphy's Soap on the woodwork, Windex glass stuff, rub down furniture with fabric softener dryer sheets (MUST be Gain), clean bathroom (even the toilet), wash dishes AND put them away, wash bed sheets, even make bed! To that list I will add: lighting candles if she's good at oral, a bottle of wine if she is more likely to put out with a warm buzz, finally a wonderfully cooked meal prepared by myself if I notice she walks in carrying the "I may be a slut" sleepover bag (meaning morning sex is likely). Lastly... the infamous unannounced "drop-ins". Don't you HATE those? Especially during "downtime". They are lucky if I even answer the door & if I do answer they better be prepared to see some shit they may not have wanted to have see, ie: NO clean dishes, piles of laundry, If I do answer the door it will probably be in boxers & in a pissy mood, I most assuredly wont give a rats ass to make sure junk isn't leering out either. So, roll the dice. This is my Hierarchy of Cleanliness. For all the crazy women that read this & yearn to be the "eventual new cute one" send all inquiries to my website at: www.chadsocdcleaningservice.net Pictures are welcome. PT GF, if by chance you stumble upon this, see... we do have a lot in common! If you're trying to be in the moocher buddy categories, would you mind bringing up the garbage cans on your way in. Well, its time for Jeopardy & I think I recall seeing a box of Swedish meatballs calling my name. Nice Rambling. Chad

Now, if that was me, I would have to include whether or not I would shave in the, you-know-where, places; i.e., the armpits, legs, and the oh so lovely bikini line.

If you are new and exciting and I want to impress you, all of the above would be necessary, though definitely cumbersome and a royal pain in the ass.

But, if you are old-hat, a regular, and I don't give a shit anymore, take me as I am, rough legs and all.

Of course, if you are lucky enough to fall in love with my sparkling personality and big bank account (hehehe) then all this doesn't matter. Cause you love me anyway you see me. I am woman. I roar.

Hence, my early morning ramblings before I've had enough coffee and am only on my first cigarette of the day.

Peace out.

Would you consider me lending my place to you if I promise to send in a knock-out good looking twisted bundle of kink of which you have little in common other than a high sex drive?

In exchange, you clean the place like you described above? Hey, I'll even buy a decent wine. :)

John

My name is Chad Cunningham and I approve this message.
(paid for by the citizens to elect me)

Last Edited on 28-Oct-2008 10:36 AM

So if I sent in a rented transvestite slob, you'll still clean the place?

What A Friend I Have In Chadrish!

John

Jess

I've tried forever to catch you on AIM, but you are never there, it says you cannot get email & it doesn't let me send anything if you're not signed in.

Don't kill me, but I, for the life of me cannot remember your last name.

Please don't take that personally. I am pretty sure it starts with a "S", but all I can think of is Black Swan Circle & Shawnee. Please forgive me & email me: chadrish@mchsi.com

Love to hear from you Jess :)