Chad

Last Edited on 12-Jun-2009 7:44 PM

There are words and comments that trigger people, they are different for everyone. There are things that trigger me greatly in this room - either words or behaviour - since I try to not engage people in anger directly (trolls excluded), I would guess most (if any)do not go out of their way to be offensive to others. Even when people do, I try to attribute this to their struggles with bp, mi or substances. Perhaps this is an idealistic view of humanity. Perhaps you will think I am naive. To be honest, I really don't care. I would rather err on the side of giving someone the benefit of the doubt than think it's deliberate.

That being said, EVERYONE

I am so sorry if the "C" word game was so upsetting to so many. The people in the room didn't seem to mind at the time, and in fact there was a lot of laughter and contributions from the peanut gallery. If you did mind, you have a choice to either say something, iggy or leave. When I find conversations to be offensive to me that most of the room is engaged in, I leave. I don't run to Kelli or Donna for every little thing. This is not highschool or gradeschool.

And NO I don't have anyone particularly in mind whilst I am writing this - pffft. Except maybe Soul. Hahahahah. JK. I truly enjoy and love the friends I have made here, and if I have triggered you, I am sorry, and did not do it intentionally.

Peace and chicken grease,
E

Last Edited on 14-Jun-2009 8:14 PM

we have a history, you and me. it hasn't always been pleasant. you have hurt me, as u have a lot of people. when you are drunk, you say mean things. i realize u have a lot of anger, mainly toward women....and sometimes it erupts.

but i am a very forgiving person, and i know you do have your good qualities. i do know that under all that testosterone driven bravado bullshit posturing, there is actually a sensitive, caring guy. i have seen it.....rarely, but i have.

as for the "leaving if something bothers or triggers you" business, i am kind of changing my mind about that whole thing somewhat. the way the chat room has become lately, it is difficult to find any what i would call "real" conversation. its always sex, poop, poop, sex, and poop. maybe i exaggerate....but it does seem to take a good amount of the time here.

should we expect people to leave just because 4 or 5 people, who are almost always here, monopolize the room with their juvenile jibberish? i can't think of any solutions really. because when they are asked to tone it down, they just take it as a challenge and get worse. but i still don't think its a blanket solution to say "if you don't like it, leave". its not fair to those with real issues and desires for non-vulgar conversation.

i know i may have veered from your topic here, but it was a good place for me to vent a bit. thanks.
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kelli

Yes, I am taking this personally, because I think the language is intended to evoke emotion. This is why I don't read the boards much.

I think I will spend more of my time in PM so that I don't monopolize the room with sex-poop chat. I KNOW I am one of those 4-5 people.

Sorry everyone doesn't appreciate the humor and the banter makes me laugh. I don't think I am one to take it as a challenge and make it worse, at least I don't think so. I am naturally silly, so what makes me laugh is juvenile jibberish a good part of the time. So it might be better if I am not in the room as much. I don't like to be part of a reason for other's not getting what they need from this room.

BTW - Support Room is always available for people who need more one on one support and I am hard pressed myself to remember a time when nobody followed someone into support (except for the trolls, mind you).

Chad, thanks for an honest and open post. Thanks for apologizing for things u think or know u may have offended others with, that is really cool of you to do so - you are only human.

Thanks for the good times!
E-

Last Edited on 16-Jun-2009 10:08 AM

im taking this a bit personal also. im right there with E. i am sure I am one of those juvinelles speaking jibberish.

i didn't realize that our friendships and the fun that we have monopolize such a large part of the time in the chat room.

i know for a fact that we talk about more than that. but if history transcripts show the majority is nonsence then i suppose the statement is correct.

i personally thing the friendships and knowing you have someone there to talk to...whether it be support or just nonsence...is part of my "therapy". sometimes you need someone to take your mind off all the shit that you are obsessing about in your life.

its sad to think that those things have to be curtailed due to those of us that are apparently not spending enough time greeting the new comers (largely of which are trolls in disguise).

the last time I was in the chat room...there was a newbee in there. she said we had made her laugh for the first time in a long time. and we had made her feel welcome. im sure that shows on the chat history transcripts.

its not all distructive behavior going on in there. another example.....hunny button came in and was having a bad day...she came into chat and said...i need support can anyone follow me? she moved to support and I know at least 3 of us followed her. Great idea hunny!!!!! I really appreciated you doing that. maybe we should learn by her example rather than get our feelings hurt that people don't want to stop talking about "jibberish".

E is one of the most witty and funny people I have met. i will def be spending my time talking to her in pm's ...well make that yahoo messenger, since I am not comfortable with how secure and private pm's are here.

i'll drop in from time to time when I feel like my behavior may be at an appropriate level.

feel free to yahoo me at Karatop1973@yahoo.

and.......just an opinion, kelli, if you and chad had a past sitation, that should be between the 2 of you. i think it was a foul on your part air his dirty laundry (formed by your opinion and possibly others but certainly not all) now , in my opinion, that has created a stigma of chad's behavior and leads people to automatically believe those things (opinions about drinking and disrespecting women having anger issues about women) are true and will always happen, and will prevent them from getting to know him and forming their opinion of him. that was poor taste, in my opinion.

kelli, i appreciate all that you do for this room. i have no idea how much work it is, but from what people have said, im sure its plenty. but i also do not thing that we have to be afraid to voice our opinions and concerns to you with fear of repercussion from you, or from those that have been designated "admin staff".

this post will probably go over like a fart in a phone booth. but its what i needed to say. can't apologize for it. hope someone...anyone....everyone will respect my voiced opinion.

kara

Just a few responses to some of the comments if I may...

KELLI:
You were first, so I will start there. I'd like to say that much of what you said makes sense & I further want to say thanks once again to edwina & yourself along with whoever runs this joint.

I can see how much of a bind you get put in & I wish I could say there's ONE good solution for problems in chat. But as in life one choice affects 9 other issues.

Maybe the main room should BE the support room, maybe the laid back, goofing, poop/sex/poop/sex/fart chatters should go to another room, maybe you could scroll something in red like you do for birthdays. Something like "For BP support and MI discussions please go to Support Room". I don't know?

One thing I want to say & dishy I hope this addresses your comment, I DO believe support should be readily available, not something you have to bounce around to try & find.

But the problem with that is I would almost guarantee that if your average chatter was to pop into chat & saw nobody in the support room, but 14 people in a room called "EXPLICIT HUMOR CHAT", for example, I bet 9 out of 10 times that person will join in, if for nothing else, to have something to read however off-color it may get.

It was either a commercial or line from his movie & the comment was something like this "The average person that listens to talk radio keeps a station on for 25 minutes. The average Howard Stern fan stays tuned in for over 3 hours. People that like him say they listen 'to hear what he says next.' The people who hate him say the only reason they stay tuned in for is 'to hear what he says next'".

The point is that maybe some people come because it's less lonely than TV...??? I know I feel like I'm in a social situation when I come here as opposed to sitting on my couch alone.

NEXT E:

Please don't stay in PM, I like your silliness :) I think anyone can create a room, so if you have a room called "Juvenile Jibberish" I will be the FIRST one in line to chat with you. I enjoy chatting, but I rarely PM anyone. I kinda feel like I'm pestering people & I get shy. So please, PLEASE E, don't go silent! :)

When I am having "downtime" (that's what I call it), I am not social at all, not with family, friends & I don't come to chat. But when I am well, I LOVE to goof, LOVE to laugh & LOVE to make others smile & giggle! So, typically if I'm in chat it's to have a make believe internet party & just be silly.

I don't look to be hurtful, dismissive of someone in need or boisterous to the point of annoyance. So if you see me in chat it usually means I'm in a good place :)

There's a flip side to that. There are some that come to chat (sometimes I think they never leave) that do nothing but whine about their entire life. Same bitching, different day. Am I supposed to cut that person down because the way they deal with an issue in their life is to whine??? HELL NO!

I don't "GET" people who have coping skills different than mine, but I try to either understand or I just don't get involved.

OK - "cutters", bulimia, anorexia, sexual deviants... I DON'T UNDERSTAND ANY OF THAT!

I drink... it's a coping mechanism that works for me. I don't smoke pot or self-injure or bang married chicks I meet at bipolar chat-sites. But me being a dick to certain people has no bearing on my drinking. I can be an asshole with or without. But for some reason it's ok to poke at or make fun of what I do... shit kelli just made it a point to acknowledge it in what I thought was going to be a decent post.

BTW kelli, I have said some VERY nasty things to you & guess what. A lot of the time I was sober... go figure?

dishy & Kara, I'm sorry but I don't want this to get as long as my first post was, so I will cut it short, but PROMISE to get back later. baco, fuck you... you are perfect so I got nuthin' to say to you! :)

Giggle - I am... Chad

i can appreciate your examples, kara.....but i also get at least one email per week that says something like "i went in your chatroom yesterday and was shocked at the subject matter" or "are you sure you are running a bipolar support room....its more like a porno site".

i am not sure u can appreciate the balancing act i must do trying to keep the "anything goes" people as well as the "non lewd" people happy. its exhausting. but i am done. i cannot win. there is no way i can please everyone. so i give up. from now on, its a free for all. enjoy.

just a little warning tho. this is exactly what happened to dbsa chat. it was out of control and ended abruptly.
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kelli

And just so you know, I NEVER make my bed. I sleep in it messy every night, but if I did (God forbid) shit, piss or puke in it, I would use every bit of my jedi skills to get a gf to clean it up.

TC oz